I saw him today! It can’t be helped with his place of work being 10 minutes from where I live and the fact he lives within the surrounding area. But none the less whenever I do, I go into a full panic attack, today he was working on a house in my road, I wish I had the power to go over to him and give him a peace of my mind, or hurt him the same way he’s hurt me. But I’m still too dammed afraid.

I watched him from the upstairs window, stood between a wardrobe and a chimney breast (how crazy is that) not wanting him to see me! I’m shaking and feel physically sick, I’m sweating and struggling to breathe, I’m frozen in fear and even though its broad daylight and there is no way he could do anything to me, I still don’t know what to do and so I rush around the house locking doors and shutting curtains. I’m in my own home and a place where I should feel safe, yet I’m scared, alone and feeling threatened.

He on the other hand, is cock sure and living a normal life (my god that makes me angry!) joking with his fellow workers, and having a life as if nothing has happened. Taking everything in his stride and appearing to be happy.

But I’m right back there, stuck in that moment, re-living it, re-experiencing and having to deal with it, time and time again. All at a time when I thought I had moved on, and was having a life like he has!
My plan is to relocate and leave this all behind me, perhaps I should have done it sooner-but I’ve never felt empowered enough to do it until now.

Now I’m confused, having dealt with it all as best I could (which sounds ironic) but believe me there was a time when I wouldn’t leave the house, or answer the phone and now here I am moving away. Do I leave it like it is? Move on and away? Or do I report this before I go? Not being sure of the can of worms it will open? (It’s too late now for a conviction-I’m 27 this happened when I was 17) but just to get what he did recorded with the police? Or is that pointless? Then I don’t want to go alone, but I also don’t know who I can get to come with me? (if your even allowed someone with you)

All I know is I don’t want to feel like this anymore, hearing reports locally and wondering if it’s him, I don’t want to live my life knowing that he is smug about getting away with what he’s done. But a small part of me feels like I’ve moved on and I’m frightened I’m slipping back to beginning again.

Please could anyone give me some advice or words of comfort?

Carolyn, everything you are feeling must be so confusing!! It is normal to feel this way after everything that has happened to you. For what it is worth I think you should report it to the police because it is a crime that happened to you!! It is possible because of the passage of time that the police will struggle with evidence but dislosures are not a fixed process and they can take 5 minutes or years!! Significantly, if you report it to the police it will be on his record and if he strikes again the police will be able to start building a picture of him. Plus, he might already have a history??? I think you should get intouch with an organisation called RASASC - they have an advocacy service and they have a counselling helpline. The number is: 02086833311

In terms of support they will be able to advise you because organisations like this have people who can accompany you to the police station etc.. You are not on your own.. because if you ever need to get in touch, im here!! I have been surviving my rape for just over a year and I know excatly how you feel. Victim Support put an intercom on my property and changed all my locks because I didn't feel safe. Everytime someone approached my house I dropped to the floor to hide.. I couldn't function like that so maybe you could call them for support also. I think they might need a crime reference number which you will get when you report the crime: 02086984583

Hope this help!! Wendy x

Hi Wendy,

Thanks for your kind words of support. I've decided to actually report this, and I've asked a friend of mine who knows to come with me. Whether he will be allowed to sit/support me when I'm in a room talking to the police-I don't know?

I understand there is very little they can do about it, with no physical evidence so it will just be my word against his! To be honest all I want to achieve is the final step in closing this chapter of my life, enabling me to move on and away to better things. To know his name is down on file and should anything have happened past or future my ordeal may help or prevent it happening again. Also that I no longer have to protect his identity.

I am slightly worried about the can of worms I'm about to open, after all he knows where I live, he could make things more diffcult. But then he'd be foolish to do such things as surely that would make him look more guilty?

Also will they want all the information of what happened then and there? or just some initial report? Because more happened after?

There is loads of information about reporting this at the time, but nothing when it is years later? Does anyone know of any extra information about reporting something so long after it happened?

Naturally I'm in a scary place right now, and I really need to find all my courage and strength to step foot inside a police station! I've told my friend to not let me bottle it! Here's hoping.

Carolyn

Hey i know how it feels seeing your attacker again. Mine works 1 mile away. i have seen him twice now since it happened and it has made me physically feel sick each time and go into a panick. i know exactly how you feel. But if i can give you any advise it is TELL SOMEONE please. your statement would be so helpful to someone else he does this too which he probably will. Telling the police will bring it up again but it will also make you feel relieved and there is still a chance it can be proved. The police will note down at least what youve told them incase he re offends. I know it will be hard but you should stay strong and live your life to the full, life is too short to waste over losers like him but make sure you have done everything in your power to tell the police and stop him being able to do this again. All the best and i am sorry for what happened

kat x

I am SOOOOOOOOO PROUD OF YOU!!! You are doing the right thing!! There is no right way to report, so just tell them what you can remember. It might help you to write it all down first to refresh you mind. You can ask the police to put a CAD on your address.. not sure what it stands for but basically it means that if you call the police they will treat your call as urgent because they will put a note against your number relating to his offence!! Also, once you have a crime number you can call victim support and ask them to put linkline into your home. Its a system that is connected to your house phone and you have 2 panic buttons, one to wear around your neck and one to place anywhere. Mine is next to my bed. So when you press the alarm the device calls linkline and they call the police. They listen for any noises which can be used as evidence and even if they dont hear anything, once you press the button they send the police within minutes!! All of these things have enabled me to feel safer as my attacker knows where I live and has been inside of my house!!

None of this is said to scare you its just to enable you to feel safer!! I agree with you and think he would be really stupid to come anywhere near you once you report and you can ask the police to make this a condition of your safety that he is told not to contact you direclty or indirectly!!

I hope you are okay!! Let me know how it goes with the police & once again, im genuinely so proud of you!! x