Hi everyone,

I've just discovered Roofie and really just wanted to make contact with people who have had similar experiences. I was drugged about 10 years ago by a group of mostly men who I knew (not very well, but a couple of them I lived with at the time. To this day, I don't know why they did it, or what they did to me, but a man was in my bed who I didn't know, the next morning. I was violently sick the next day but I didn't feel hungover, just strange. They convinced me it was my fault and I was drunk which I ended up believing at the time - but deep inside I knew it wasn't me. I spoke to my family, but everyone just told me to try and put it behind me. I left the house and tried to move on in my life and just put it down to bad luck. However, it has ended up defining me as a person and I can't move on. The fact that I don't know why they did this and what they did consumes me to the point where I feel totally worthless and helpless. I am getting counselling for it now, but I have changed as a person because of this. It's too late to report it, but I have only accepted how serious this is and now I wish I had reported it at the time.

Does anyone have an advice they can give me to help me move on.

Thanks

Dear Germ,

I hardly ever post here anymore because I feel I have been able to move on from what happened to me. And, Germ, you will reach that point too. In many ways I have become a stranger to roofie.com, but it is thanks to this place that I am where I am today. Anyway, tonight I happened to drop in, saw your post and felt I had to respond.
The worst thing of all is feeling no-one understands you or believes you, after being drug-raped. You can rest assured that we all do understand what you have been through and that we won't judge you either.
I lost so many friends as a result of what happened to me and it is because ""normal" people don't want to believe that these sick things can and do happen. The sickest thing of all is that most rapes *are* committed by people we know. "Stranger rape" is what most people understand by "rape", but in reality it is the anomaly (something like 15%).
I was seeing a counsellor through Rape Crisis. I had to wait three months to start but it was so worth it. I thoroughly believe Rape Crisis transformed me back to (more or less) the person I was before I was drug-raped. Getting counselling is the best thing you can possibly do and *qualified* counselling. It is not a pleasant journey to be going through but it will help you no end. Beforehand, I felt as though I had constructed an indefensible fence around me to keep everyone at arms length and that is NOT what I am like. After some months of counselling, the fence is now down and I am able to have normal, healthy relationships again.
I will get round to posting my drug-rape experience on this site (as part of my cleansing process). It's one thing I have to do to help others. It's just hard for me to find the time to write about a piece of slime who does not deserve to live for what he did to me and has probably done to many others. You *will* feel as "I-couldn't-give-a-sh*t" as I do one day, Germ. In the meantime, you are doing the best thing possible by going to counselling. I would also recommend keeping a diary of your feelings (and any flashbacks you may have). It is very important to regain a sense of control in your life. Be prepared for "friends" to become distant (it's not their fault, they just don't know how to assimilate what you're telling them), but also be prepared to drop people if they think you're bullsh*tting them. This is a tough journey and you need people who will be there with you by your side every step of the way, not doubting you. Most importantly, never doubt yourself. You KNOW your own mind, your own body and you know what happened to you that night. That night does NOT define who you are and you *will* be yourself again one day soon.

Take care of yourself and keep in touch.
Suenos xx

Dear Suenos,

Thank you so much for your very open and honest reply. I've never been in contact with anyone who has a shared experience as me before and as soon as I had read your email, I instantly felt like I wasn't alone anymore - and that has made me feel so much better already. So many things you mentioned, I can identify with especially the loss of friends. I have lost a few 'good' friends because of this experience and I have tried so hard not to be angry or bitter but as you know, it's so hard not to be until you come to terms with what happened. Your positivity and compassion really touched my heart, and I feel much more hopeful that this horrible nightmare will come to an end soon.

Thank you so much (again!) and I hope your future is full of happiness.

Germ xx

Hi,

I am sorry that this happened you. Why did they do it? The answer is BECAUSE THEY COULD. They drugged you, what cowards they are. These people are not men, they are cowards.

I was drug raped and gang raped. But you do learn to survive and rise above it all. YES it will take time but you can. I did and I still fight to be strong every day.

You need help and support from profesionals. Trained ears who understand and know the right things to say. Talking about it is the correct step to recovery. Be good to yourself. It is not your fault and it is not your shame. The shame lies with those scumy cowards. Think about it, would you ever drug another person???????????????? The answer will be no because you are normal, I am normal these things are not.

YOU are better than them.

You will get strong again. You will cope.

Take Care Teresa

hi
i am here for similer reasons, i have never been on a forum before let alone for anything as personal as this. 9 years ago i was raped by a man i knew within the student flats where i then lived, i never reported it or told anyone about it until about a month ago when i told my long term pertner. i didn't think any1 would believe me, and for a long time thought it was all my own fault and i had a responsibility to look after myself. i believe i was drug raped due to my incapacity, i knew something was wrong when it was happening but had no control to stop it. for years i have blocked this out of my mind but it has effected me more than i realised. it resulted in me dropping out of my course at university and my mental health suffered i went from being an outgoing confident happy person to becoming extremely withdrawn and isolated myself, however it has only been with age and time that i can understand why it changed me so much (if that makes sense). i have recently started back at university and it has brought back all kinds of feelings that i thought i had left behind me. Does this ever stop? i have signed myself up for some counselling, does this really help? i can't help wondering if it is better for me to try and put it behid me again? i saw from your post that you went for counselling, has this helped?
thanks x

Dear Kirsty,

I'm so glad you decided to write about your experience as you've now started on the road to recovery. I've had only 7 hours of counselling but I am now a different person to when I started. She has managed to change my way of thinking about what happened and I've gone from being a victim to this awful crime and being totally consumed by what had happened, to the point that everything I did was affected by my experience to a person with self esteem and self respect and a good feeling about my future, which just a few months ago seemed impossible. I am now doing an OU course which is giving me a fresh start.

First of all she diagnosed Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome which is a common affect of drug rape. It's easy to block out a distressing event like this but it never goes away, believe me. Having this diagnosis primarily helped me make sense of things that had happened since the rape and stopped me feeling like a freak. The way I felt, I was told was normal under the circumstances. We also did some exercises that helped me come to terms with the rape.

Basically, I would urge you to get some counselling. I went private but I was lucky that my family helped me financially. Get a recommendation from someone or a doctor if possible. Please don't ignore it. By putting your head in the sand it could affect you in different ways until in takes over your life. Sorry to be dramatic, but don't suffer any more than you need to. It IS possible to move on and remove this weight that you're carrying around and with the right help you CAN do it.

Please let me know how you get on.

Take care
Germxx